With you, I'm Ok
by Dramione84
Summary: ***ONE SHOT*** Originally a songfic gift for Torigingerfox, now written as a one shot. Hermione and Draco are Harry's top auror pair. What will it take for Hermione to realise its not the life it seems?


**A/N:** Originally a song fic I gifted to Toriginger fox, this is now a one shot. Inspired by the song "I'm not okay" by My Chemical Romance and influenced by Greys Anatomy in places. Obv i dont own rights to any of this but the plot is my own and im not making any money from it ;)

* * *

 **24th December 2002**

 **6:34pm**

 **The Burrow**

 **Ottery St Catchpole**

"Open it then!" Ginny cried excitedly as Hermione turned over the small package in her hands, staring at it confused.

"I don't even know who it is from," Hermione whispered, her eyes narrowing as she started to undo the silver ribbon.

Peeling off the dark green paper with black swirled patterns, the two girls instinctively leaned in, eyes widening as the black velvet box came into view. Silently, Hermione opened it, gasping when she saw the silver pendant shaped like an otter, her patronus.

"So who's it from?!" cried Ginny

"Who is what from now?" asked Ron, stepping into the room, confusion apparent on his face.

"Who said you could barge in here without knocking?" cried Ginny, rising to her feet and attempting to shove Ron back out into the hallway. Hermione shoved the little parcel under her pillow. Only one person could have sent her something so thoughtful and special, and she knew what Ron's reaction would be if he knew.

* * *

 **5th January 2003**

 **9:23am**

 **MLE Department**

Office of Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy

Hearing the office door open, she looked up from the file she was reading, smiling at her partner, Draco Malfoy, as he came into their office and took off his jacket.

"Briefing is in Harry's office in 7 minutes, Malfoy." she informed him, gathering up her files.

He grunted his response as he opened his briefcase.

She paused to touch his arm. "Thank you for the Christmas present," she whispered before heading out of the office.

He tried his best to ignore the thumping in his chest.

* * *

 **5th January 2003**

 **9:42am**

 **MLE Department**

Office of Harry Potter, Head Auror

"I need you two to go to Moscow," Harry told them, pushing his glasses up his nose and looking directly at Hermione. Malfoy picked up the file from Harry's desk and flicked through it while waiting for his partner to answer Harry. Ultimately she had the final say on whether or not they would accept this or any other mission. He had accepted this as fact a long time ago. Granger was a fierce Auror but some missions just brought too many painful memories to the surface for her. He had lost count of how many hotel rooms he'd broken into to hold her after the nightmares came.

It was an unspoken part of their partnership.

No one else knew he did this, nor that she had started requesting two keys for her rooms.

* * *

 **8th January 2003**

 **5:39pm**

 **Moscow**

Huddling behind the dustbin, they sat panting, watching their hot breath fog in front of their faces in the crisp Russian evening. His seeker senses piqued and Malfoy jumped up, twisting round to throw a hex at the wizard they had been dualing. Violet light flashed from the side of the bin as Hermione reached round to cast her own hex.

Wispy blue light signalled the return of her patronus moments before their backup from the Russian Ministry of Magic arrived to take Dmitri Petrovich into custody.

Wizards now surrounding him, he sneered at Malfoy before casting one final curse. "SECTUMSEMPRA!"

* * *

 **8th January 2003**

 **5:51pm**

 **Azimut Moscow Tulskaya Hotel**

 **Moscow**

Dragging him into the hotel foyer, she threw a fistful of rubles at the worried looking desk clerk and forcefully told her in perfect Russian that she saw nothing, knew nothing and was to carry on about her business.

Managing to get him onto the sofa in her room, she took her wand and muttered the counter curse three times as Harry had taught her to do many years ago. She watched, her face betraying the concern weighing down her heart as the blood returned to his body. Stumbling to her feet, she made her way over to the minibar, grabbing the solitary bottle of vodka it contained, before heading into her room to raid her little bag for healing potions before returning to the sofa. Unscrewing the vodka, she took a long pull before forcing it into Malfoy's hand as he lay groaning.

"You're going to want this," she told him, before ripping his bloodied shirt from his body. "Drink," she commanded. Tilting his head to the bottle, he felt the liquid burn his throat as he took a mouthful. Coughing and spluttering, he gasped for breath as Hermione took the stopper from the dittany. He hissed as the drops fell onto his open wounds, swearing in Russian and English, taking another pull from the vodka before dropping the bottle to the ground.

* * *

 **9th January 2003**

 **3:23am**

 **Azimut Moscow Tulskaya Hotel**

 **Moscow**

Screaming pulled him from his state of unconsciousness, and for a moment he couldn't remember where he was. Eyes wide, he darted his gaze around the room trying to pinpoint his location and the source of the scream. Leaping to his feat, he groaned as he remembered why he had been on the sofa, pain piercing his body like knives. He grabbed his wand from the coffee table crashing into the next room.

Hermione screamed again and this time he realised why: she was having a nightmare.

Thrashing and flailing, sweat pooling on her brow, tangled in the sheets, she looked a terrifying sight. He tossed his wand onto the nightstand and crawled onto the bed, ignoring the pain he felt. Pinning her arms, he tried to coax her back from the torment her mind had conjured.

"Granger, shush" he soothed "You're safe with me, it's not real" he continued, stroking her hair "Hermione, shush, it's ok Hermione."

Hermione's motions stilled and she blinked a few times "Draco?" she murmured, coming back to reality. Seeing the crimson smears on his chest, his wounds reopening, she felt a wave of guilt crash down over her. She pushed herself up to a sitting position, her hands coming up to his chest, fingertips grazing his cuts, tracing the lines that marred his flesh.

"Draco!" she whispered, looking up into his steely eyes, tears pooling in her own. He brushed her hair back behind her ear, staring into her eyes for a moment before they pulled each other into an embrace, each shaking from the raw emotion they felt.

* * *

 **9th January 2003**

 **11:04am**

 **Azimut Moscow Tulskaya Hotel**

 **Moscow**

Eyes fluttering open, she was aware of a heavy feeling across her waist and the warm body underneath her own. She startled a little, knowing it could only be Malfoy with whom she had shared her bed.

Sliding out from under his arm, she placed her feet on the carpet, giving herself a moment to assess the situation before standing and padding over to the bathroom. Her hand on the door handle, she was just stepping over the threshold when she heard him "Granger, we need to talk."

* * *

 **16th January 2003**

 **9:39am**

 **MLE Department**

Office of Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy

Filling in the latest batch of reports, she sat at her desk, refusing to acknowledge the unspoken questions that lay hanging in the air. She steadfastly refused to look at him, even.

"Well?" he asked, finally.

"What?" she murmured, eyes remaining fixed on her report as she wrote.

"It's been a week, we need to talk about this" he told her.

Malfoy suppressed a sigh of relief as Hermione put down her quill.

Standing, she started gathering her files before heading toward the door.

Malfoy's face contorted with rage and confusion "Where the hell are you going?"

"Ministry library" she informed him.

* * *

 **16th February 2003**

 **2:52pm**

 **MLE Department**

 **Office of Harry Potter, Head Auror.**

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose "Give her time, Draco."

"I don't know if I can. This….between us….it's not going to go away.

* * *

 **16th March 2003**

 **11:02am**

 **MLE Department**

 **Office of Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy**

"Are you going to Seamus' St Paddies Day party?"

Hermione looked up from her files "I would have thought so, Ron usually wants to go to Dublin to see him." she replied, her brow furrowing at the way he grimaced when she mentioned her boyfriend "why?"

"No reason"

* * *

 **17tth March 2003**

 **11:53pm**

 **The Parnell Bar and Grill**

Dublin

"Christ, Hermione! What has he done to you?" he whispered, pulling her into his arms, her tears causing her mascara to run and ruin his shirt. He did not care.

* * *

 **18th March 2003**

 **8:20am**

 **157 Green Street**

 **Mayfair**

 **London**

Eyes fluttering open, for a moment she was unsure of her surroundings. Glancing round the room, she noted cream walls, expensive dark stained wood furnishings, a 3 pane sash window and a very luxurious bed that she was rather enjoying waking up in. Something felt familiar and yet oddly anonymous about her surroundings. Pulling back the covers as she planted her feet on the plush cream carpet, she noted she was wearing a plain white t shirt and what appeared to be a pair of black boxers. Frowning at her attire, she wondered what had happened to her own clothes. She distinctly remembered wearing an emerald green dress in honour of St Patrick's Day. Her frown deepening she stood up and opened the door, instantly recognising the hallway. Light footed she made her way up the stairs to the next floor.

"Morning, Granger" he greeted, without looking up as she turned into his kitchen. He appeared to be making pancakes.

"Um...morning…" she returned, quietly. "...about last night…."

He waved her away "It was nothing, just one partner looking out for another."

She frowned. "No, I mean...what happened?" Her memories were a little fuzzy and she couldn't quite remembered what had occurred and how she had ended up in Malfoy's apartment.

Malfoy looked up from the stove and opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the roar of the floo. Green light bounced off the brilliant white walls.

"Okay Malfoy where is she?" Ron's voice boomed as he stepped out of the floo, stalking into the dining room. "Oh there you are" he stated, seeing her perched on a stool beside the counter.

"Once again your powers of deduction are astounding, Weasel" Malfoy spat, glaring at Ron.

"Fuck off Ferret" Ron retorted, face crimson with rage.

"Ok that's enough you two" Hermione chided. "I am not in the mood for this right now" She massaged her temples as the two men glared daggers at one another across the dining room.

"I am going to have a shower and then have some breakfast and then I am going to work. I will see you at home tonight Ronald" she stated.

Ron stared at her, trying to convey thoughts and feelings with his eyes. She returned his look with a hard one of her own, daring him to not accept what she had already resolved to do.

"Fine" he ground out before turning on his heel, the roar of flames signalling his departure.

* * *

 **18th March 2003**

 **10:26am**

 **MLE Department**

 **Office of Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy**

Sliding the cup towards her, he looked down with a soft smile.

"What's that?" she asked, peering over the lip of the cup.

"Latte. From the coffee cart. I thought you might like one. I know you mostly drink tea, but that's when you're thinking. Or sad. You drink tea when you're sad. When you're tired you drink americano. When you're working late you drink double espresso. When you want to chat, you drink latte. I thought you might like a latte." he flushed, realising he was babbling.

Hermione's eyes widened at the realisation that he knew her drinking habits, but then, she surmised, they knew quite a few intimate details about each other- they had to, in order to function as well as they did as partners.

"Thank you" she smiled, taking the cup in her hands and leaning back in her seat, her eyes closing slightly.

"Hermione…"he began, watching as her eyes shot open. "We need to talk."

She chuckled "No we don't, you're my partner, I can read you like a book" she gathered her things up. "Thanks for the latte"

"Where are you going?!" he asked her exasperated. Every time he tried to talk to her, she ran away. Either to research or back to Ron.

"Research" she quietly replied, before daring a glance in his direction. The pain etched on his face broke her heart but she couldn't do this. She couldn't talk about it.

* * *

 **16th April**

 **12:54pm**

 **Ministry of Magic Canteen**

Opening his sandwich, he suddenly lost his appetite. "I don't know how much longer I can carry on like this, Harry. She refuses to talk about what's going on between us." He sighed, pushing the sandwich to one side.

Harry chewed thoughtfully "What is going on between you?" his eyes grew wide "you're not having an affair are you?!" he said, a little too loudly for Malfoy's liking.

Malfoy glanced round at their colleagues who stared open mouthed at the Head Auror and his ex Death Eater Protege.

"Keep your voice down, you know how this place talks" he hissed "And NO! We are not having an affair"

"So what is going on then?" Harry looked at him, confused.

Malfoy rubbed his forehead "Nothing" he muttered.

Now Harry was even more confused. "So if nothing is going on, then what is there to talk about?"

"Moscow. Dublin. Everything" Malfoy sighed dejectedly.

* * *

 **2nd May 2003**

 **9:42pm**

 **Battle of Hogwarts Annual Gala**

 **Ministry of Magic Atrium.**

He watched from the bar as he sipped on his Firewhiskey, a dark expression on his face as his partner and her boyfriend argued, again, the other side of the atrium. Partially hidden in the shadows, she presumed their argument was going unseen. Noting the body language, he set his tumbler down and stalked over to the pair. He arrived just in time to grab Weasley's wrist as Hermione cowered, eyes closed prepared for the slap. Ron's eyes grew wide for a second before Malfoy's fist connected with his jaw.

Hermione's screams pierced the room above the gentle string music played by charmed harps, as Ron and Malfoy proceeded to beat the shit out of each other at her feet.

Harry and Blaise separated the brawling pair as Ginny wrapped her arms around Hermione. Malfoy watched in disgust as Hermione broke from Ginny's embrace to help a bloodied and bruised Ron to his feet before making their way to the nearest floo.

* * *

 **3rd May 2003**

 **8:34am**

 **MLE Department**

 **Office of Head Auror, Harry Potter.**

"I need to transfer" Malfoy informed him as the door to the office shut behind him.

Harry looked up from his paperwork "Ok"

Malfoy wasn't sure if he wanted Harry to talk him out of it or not. He shuffled on his feet.

"Are you sure?" Harry asked, putting his quill down.

Malfoy thought for a moment before nodding.

"Transfers take between 2 and 3 weeks, it won't be an overnight thing" Harry informed him carefully.

"Ok"

* * *

 **16th May 2003**

 **2:13pm**

 **MLE Department**

 **Office of Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy**

"Well, Granger, if you wanted honesty, that is all you had to say!" Draco gruffed, slamming his file down on his desk.

Hermione held her head in her hands and groaned.

"Of course I want honesty, it's just….."

Draco glared at her. "It's better off this way."

She stood up, hands on hips and started pacing the room. "I don't see what the problem is. You don't need Harry to transferre you."

"Yes, I do. We can't go on like this," he sighed, grabbing his jacket and heading for the door.

"We are a team!" she cried, watching as he paused at the door

"Remember that time you jumped out the second floor window and broke your foot?" he began, not looking at her, a small smile playing out on his lips.

"You always have my back and I yours," she whispered, silently pleading for him to turn around and face her.

"I never wanted to let you down, or have you go…. But it is better off this way, Granger."

Hermione closed her eyes, opening her mouth to speak.

He was gone before she could work out what she wanted to say.

* * *

 **16th May 2003**

 **5:58pm**

 **MLE Department**

 **Office of Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy**

Sitting at her desk, her head in her hands, she was unaware of how much time had passed since he had left the room. His briefcase remained next to his desk but he had not come back to the office. Vaguely aware from the growing silence from the offices adjacent to the one she shared with her partner that the working day was over, she remained, trying to calm her increasing anxiety.

" _I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. Draco, you wear me out,"_ she murmured to herself like a mantra.

A knock at the door made her jump. "Go away, Harry," she called, not wanting to speak to her best friend right at that moment. The door opened anyway and she rolled her eyes before looking up to see a red head pop round the door, grinning.

"I'm not Harry!" she chuckled before holding out a bottle of tequila like a prize. "I come bearing this!"

"Why?"

Ginny shrugged her shoulders. "Harry told me; besides, I saw Malfoy downstairs, and he looks like shit"

Hermione stared at Ginny for a moment before the two girls broke into laughter. Harry might be her best friend but Ginny was the one who understood how her mind over analysed everything to death. And Ginny, despite her closeness to her brother, was the only one who understood Hermione's complex relationships with her boyfriend, Ron, and her partner, Draco Malfoy.

* * *

 **16th May 2003**

 **7:32pm**

 **127 Richmond Avenue London**

Pausing halfway up the steps, he frowned as he listened to the sound that had caught his attention. Muggle music. Muggle music blasting very loud. Muggle music blasting very loud from his home.

Turning the key in the lock, he glowered. This could only mean one thing.

Taking off his robes, he slung his briefcase down and stomped into the room.

Standing on the coffee table was his girlfriend and his sister. His very drunk girlfriend and equally inebriated sister.

"For fuck sake, Hermione!" he cried as the two girls shouted the lyrics to the song they were singing along to while dancing on the coffee table. Neither girl paid him any attention.

* * *

 **17th May 2003**

 **9:22am**

 **MLE Department**

 **Office of Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy**

Sipping her morning coffee, she walked into her office, absentmindedly glancing over the headlines of the morning edition of The Prophet. Sensing something very wrong, she paused, looking up.

"What the…..why are you clearing your desk?" she cried, eyes wide.

Chucking the photograph he was holding into the box on the desk, he turned to face her.

"You know why," he told her gently.

Hermione felt her pulse quicken as the anxiety rose in her chest.

 _I'm not ok._

"What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?" he asked her.

She looked at him confused, watching as he sighed, before giving her a sad smile.

"I've told you, time and time again. You stay in this routine but you don't know what it means anymore," he continued.

 _I'm not ok._

"We share a joke, a look, you bait me with your hook. But then you go back to him. Our last mission, Moscow, I held you close as we both shook, and still, you go back to him. Take a good hard look at this life, Hermione. You don't know what it's like. For me. To watch you each time, go back to him."

 _I'm not ok._

Hermione stepped over to her desk, avoiding Malfoy's gaze. "You wear me out," she whispered, before taking one of the photos from her desk and scrutinizing it carefully.

Malfoy sighed heavily. "Forget about the dirty looks."

"How can I?" she whispered. "You know first hand how this office talks!"

He lost his temper "Forget about the photographs your boyfriend took. You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed, by you!"

She turned to answer him, but once again, he was gone.

For a moment, she closed her eyes, and when she opened them, suddenly everything seemed a little clearer. She placed the photograph down on her desk and walked over to the box he'd left behind. Reaching in, she carefully picked out the photograph he'd been looking at before she came in. It was of her. All this time, he had a photograph on his desk of her and she hadn't known.

Summoning up all her Gryffindor courage, she rushed from the room, out through the maze of offices within the bowels of the Ministry where the law enforcement division was ensconced, searching with her eyes. Catching sight of his unmistakable platinum locks, she surged forward, throwing herself into the lift and glaring forcefully at the young intern clutching files to her chest until she scurried out, tears bursting forth.

"Granger...what the?" Malfoy began.

"I've been such an idiot," she cried

"Water under the bridge, it's been dealt with Granger, Harry…."

She cut him off, "..But you really need to listen to me."

Dejected, he sighed, slumping against the wall of the lift. "Why?"

"Because I'm telling you the truth, I mean this, I'm okay!" she cried, laughing through tears she had been unaware she was crying.

He looked at her, puzzled.

"With you, I'm okay. It took until now for me to realise, but I am. With Ron I'm not. I never have been actually. I am no longer frightened to admit it. With you, Draco, I am okay."

Two strides and she was in his arms, his lips crashing down onto hers, all her fears melting, all the tension between them subsiding. After years of denying themselves, they poured everything they had into that one kiss. Then, as quickly as it had started, it was over. They stood apart as the doors of the lift opened up onto the atrium.

"I have to go," she whispered, open-palm pressed against his chest.

He furrowed his brow, his eyes searching her face for answers.

"In order to kiss you the way I want to kiss you, I have to go tell him it's over."

He watched, fingertips pressed to his lips that still tasted of her cherry lip balm, as she rushed off towards the floo, knowing the next time he saw his partner she would be his.


End file.
